Well, things have been going very well lately, all things considered. We’ve been communicating and spending time together just talking about what happened and moving on with our marriage.
I promise, dear reader, that I’ll always be honest with you even when the truth is ugly. Well, my wife and I have decided to hold off on counseling since she is starting school soon and will be doing that while working full-time. We will see how things go and see if we feel we need it after she finishes school in a year, but right now we are just going to try to lovingly communicate our needs and problems with each other.
I haven’t told her yet, but I intend to, that any further slip-ups will destroy our family for good. There will be no more understanding and empathy from me.
Anyways, like I said, things have been going quite well, though even this pattern is old hat by now. Things always go well directly after shit hits the fan. This isn’t my first rodeo.
In addition to her Borderline Personality Disorder, my wife also has hypoglycemia, which basically means that if her blood sugar slips below a certain threshold she will basically look and feel like a mean drunk and act irrationally. The problem is that she eats fairly irregularly and often finds herself in this state.
So she wakes up this afternoon after her shift at work and she starts browning ground beef for hamburger helper for her breakfast/the kid’s supper. While browning the meat she looks in the pantry for the hamburger helper box that she SWEARS she bought and nobody else has seen. Not being able to see it, she starts getting angry and frantic and I can already tell what is going on.
I can always tell by the glazed eyes, the paranoia, and the ridiculous amounts of anger over petty things when she hasn’t eaten. Immediately she starts accusing me of having cooked her Hamburger Helper while she was at work and eating it (I’m a vegetarian). When I fail to either admit to eating it or pull it out of my ass via magic, she starts to blame our children, neither of whom knows how to cook or would attempt to do so.
Well, I’m an amicable fellow and I know what she really needs right now is simply some carbohydrates in her system and she’ll be right as rain. I offer to cook anything we have for her, I offer any sort of drink she may want, all to no avail. When she gets like this she will refuse to eat anything but the item she originally set out to cook and will just kept getting meaner and more incoherent as she gets hungrier.
I agree that this is foolishness and childish, but I also know that she isn’t in her right mind in this state. In an attempt to end this mess I go on a prolonged search all over the house, just in case the box got misplaced somehow. When that doesn’t work I check the car in case she left it there. When that doesn’t work I repeat both these steps twice to no effect.
So now my kids are crying because she is yelling and being cruel, making wild accusations. I see her on her Facebook, chatting with a woman she’d met via Okcupid (a free dating site) while all this is going on. Later, after she had gone to work I checked her chat logs and she was saying how her marriage was close to ending and what an ass I was and such.
Now, I did lose my temper and swear at her when she was throwing about insane accusations at the children and I, and I understand that that isn’t the right thing to do in this situation. However, we’ve been making real strides this past week, and I thought that as baby-steps go, they had been good ones. I was rather surprised she had said that on Facebook, because not an hour later we were cuddling in the living room and having a nice evening.
Eventually she made something else to eat and was quickly back to her old self, and she got things with the children and I soothed down. Later on, as I laid in bed with her and rubbed her head before she took a bit of a nap before work, we had a talk about how she can’t control herself in these situations and, in the future, I just need to take the kids outside to play for a while so she can get ahold of herself. Probably a wise idea.
For any young people out there who may be reading this I’d like you to understand that you can’t fix someone, even if you love them. Self-determination, professional help, a legitimate desire to heal, these things can, perhaps, fix someone. Maybe.
Realistically, they may only get worse and worse until you can’t bare to be around them anymore. The best advice I can offer anyone thinking of getting attached permanently to someone with mental illness is to think very carefully. Sleep on it. Think very carefully again, then just slap yourself for wasting the past two days and don’t get attached to a mentally ill person who doesn’t acknowledge their problem and get help. Both you and them will just end up hating you.