Well, my wife has decided to cut ties with the people she had an affair with and try to work it out. This brings with it a host of concerns. She claims to be very lonely now since she doesn’t know any other Pagans besides the two who she agreed to cut contact with, and it is causing a lot of resentment toward me.
I told her time and again that if she was not 100% accepting of the terms I offered her that she might as well just side with them, call our marriage a day, and let everyone get on with their lives. I don’t feel that my terms were beyond the pale if she wished to try to fix our marriage, and honestly I feel like I capitulated quite a bit from my original position.
We both knew going forth that this would be difficult and would require compromise, love, and understanding on both of our parts. To be quite frank, I’m already a bit tired of this resentment. I feel that any reasonable person who had done what she has done would naturally expect to have to cut ties with the person they had an affair with if they wished to save their marriage. I’m not exactly asking her to carve a scarlet “A” into her chest and walk through the town square nude, all the while carrying a sign saying “I am a whore. STONE ME!”.
Yet I find myself, the one who was cheated on, begging for us to just forget the whole thing happened so hopefully we can just go on with our lives and not have all these awkward, angry bouts of resentment.
I just don’t get it. It seems that the person who committed the infraction should be the one doing all the begging and feeling guilty and work.
I just wish this whole stupid situation could come to an end so I could get back to being worried about the stupid shit that a person with no major problems has the luxury of worrying about. Do you have ANY idea how big the backlog of games on my phone is? That shit needs to be organized into categorized folders, you know!
Believe you me, I’d much rather find myself squandering my spare moments on obsessing about video games and internet tomfoolery, or having waterbaloon fights with the kids than this tedious soap opera garbage.
I like to think that I’m a fairly simple fellow with simple tastes. If I want to be in a relationship with you, and you want to be in one with me, well that’s awesome and we should totally have a relationship. I won’t promise that it will always be great, but I’m not the type of person who expects perfection from a partner.
Maybe some people feel like they need drama like this or else life is too boring or “not important enough” or something. In my estimation a relationship should be your aegis and shelter from the harshness life may bring.
Tonight she was giving me the song and dance again about how it wasn’t fair for me to ask her to remove the offending parties from her life because they, as fellow Pagans, were so important to her. I told her something to the effect of if their friendship, and the Pagan community it represents, were so important to her then she really shouldn’t have gone the extra mile to sexualize the situation and make it all weird and awkward for everyone and then be all surprised that it was indeed weird and awkward.
I told her the best advice I could give her insofar as future friendships and religious affiliations was the ol’ chestnut “Don’t shit where you eat”. Crude, but I think it illustrates my point. You might also say “Don’t dip your pen in the company ink”, or “Don’t screw the chick drummer” depending on your situation.
The colloquialisms may be different, but the idea is the same, if something is very important to you than you shouldn’t drag your self-destructive bullshit tendencies into it and screw everything up for yourself.
So, as you go about your day, gentle reader, I ask you to honestly examine your actions and motivations whenever a situation begs for a moment of consideration. Are you shitting where you eat ?